My (not so) Anonymous Life

August 10, 2009

It’s a warning

Filed under: Uncategorized — shitjusthappens @ 4:31 am
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If you have EVER liked this friendship, I suggest you to accept when I make my choices, ‘coz my life includes several things. You know you’re a part of them – a great part of it, like a delightful piece of cake with a cherry on top -, but there are a lot of people who are a part of it too. I know I’m obstinate and way too proud, but I’m proud to say I always know when I’m wrong and I admit it. But I’ve already done it, even not wrong. I know how to do it to fix something, but it didn’t work and I’m not doing it again. Not again. Not anymore.

I’ve changed. So much has changed. Things around me have done and so have I.

I’m sorry, but it’s completely your choice. Cannot help.

July 25, 2009

Meaningless

Filed under: life,party — shitjusthappens @ 7:58 pm
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This is how I’m feeling. There’s no meaning in anything, I just feel tired of living. Well, not my fault, though. What’s the point in being 18 (overage and enough-aged, I’d say) if I’m old enough to clean the whole house or do some other things and I’m too young to go out at night? I could laugh if it was a joke, but it’s my life – what makes it almost a joke. Ha, I’m so funny.

Come on, I’m old enough to do whatever I wanna do. If I can’t do what I want right, it’s MY problem, MY fault, nothing to do with them. But I have already showed them (I mean, my parents) that they can trust me (they don’t know what trust means, apparently), because they know I’m the one who HATES drugs the most. For drugs I mean also those fuckin’ cigarettes that people think are so charming. Die fast and leave me alone, then.

Okay, maybe the point is alcohol. YES, MAN, I like it. But it never meant I need to drink until get drunk, as I NEVER DID. Then, what’s the matter with ME? It’s not like I’m going out to have sex with everyone who passes in front of me, eighter. I wanna get out with MY FRIENDS, who my parents know very well, who always come to visit me, who I always go to visit, who I know for ten or five years, depending on who I’m talking about. They are a little better than me, by the way HAHA I’m the rebel one lol. They can control me, right? You guys know what the word friendship means to me, and it’s too strong for me to take it away.

Well, coming back way too late shouldn’t be a problem, too. If you want to take me there and get me back, no problem, but if THAT’S the matter, you guys should let me stay until 5 am there so I could wait a little more until 6 o’clock to get my bus and come home around 7 am. But it’s always difficult to solve some problem if somebody doesn’t want them to be solved.

You know what? It’s my life, don’t you forget.

xxx

May 27, 2009

Bitter

Filed under: life — shitjusthappens @ 4:16 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I had a bitter week. I mean, the last one. But this one NOTHING can make it bad. Anyway, I’m talk about bitterness.

Some years ago, I used to be so bitter. I was a cold person until something happen to change it.

I knew a guy at the Internet and we become friends. Nice friends. Close friends. Closer friends. The closest ones. And I kinda fell in love, but my “fall in love” was a lot different those days than it’s today – thanks to him.

I was 13. He fell in love and asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed, but I wasn’t THAT into him. He used to do anything so it could work out – but I didn’t even try much. I was happy to say ‘I have a boyfriend!’, but I didn’t care much. But nothing is always a bed of roses, so he should have been tired of my indifference so he broke up. Then, I felt bad a lot. It changed myself.

I started to care more about people who I love. I started to be a lot worried if they were okay. I started to love that guy in a different way, a stronger way. I really loved him after losing him. We got together again, but it was never the same: I started to care and he didn’t anymore. So it wasn’t working out again and we broke up. Forever. But we’re still best friends.

And I changed a lot because of this special fact in my life. It changed who I was and now I’m a better person – but sometimes it hurts me because now I try to trust everybody, even when I have a great chance to fail.

But you know what? I LOVE who I am and who wants to love me needs to love exactly this person.

Have a great week, guys, I’m sure mine is going to be.

May 20, 2009

Betrayed

Filed under: life,poetry — shitjusthappens @ 3:48 pm
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Betrayed – as I’ve been:
I’m lost and I can’t seem
To see why it’s happening;
Couldn’t see it changing.

Lost in tragedy and in vain,
Can’t feel nothing but the pain
That means to suck all the good memories
We had such a nice stories.

Now I do nothing but I cry
And I want to stop and I still try
But nothing’s as worst as this:
I’ve been betrayed and it is

So much more than I can take,
So I decided it to break.
Don’t mind about cynicism
Neighter about your me-ism:

I’m going to forget ‘us’
And stay beside who I can trust.
No more betrayals, no more tears,
I won’t trust anymore, so I won’t fear.

—————-
Now playing: Adele – Daydreamer
via FoxyTunes

May 3, 2009

Life (as it goes)

Filed under: life,party — shitjusthappens @ 2:03 am
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Right, satuday night and here I am: home, watching series. You should be asking yourself why a normal (?) 18 year-olded-girl is at home if she has friends and free time, maybe. That’s what I’m telling you.

Yesterday was  a holiday in Brazil, the Work Day. I didn’t have classes so I was at the Internet talking with my friends in a conference when one of them told me she was going out. It was almost 9 p.m. Usually, she goes with three of our common friends, but only one was going there and she called me to join them. I would love to, but I was pretty sure mother wouldn’t let me to go out at 10 p.m. But I tried – and I got that.

It was 10 p.m. when I got the place – exactly as the same moment she did. When we were going in, our friend got there. So, we went in the place together and got a table for us. We started talking and enjoy the music – most of them, classic rock – so the boy offerred we girls a beer. I’m not used to drink beer – I kinda don’t like it much and prefer vodka, Martini or wine – but he told us to part it with him, so we did. Well, the beer he got for us wasn’t that bad and it was really hot there inside, so we parted three more beers during the night. I also have to say I’m used to be strong with alcohol and beer? C’mon, it’s very weak to me – what I think is pretty nice. Going back to the party, we danced rock music, watched two bands (the first one was very impressive, I’m in love with it!) and had a deep conversation which made me feel better. Actually, I’m still doing – thanks to them.

As if wasn’t so much, I had a party today. A birthday party at a chic bar. Actually, one of my very best friend’s birthday party. So you tell me: WHAT A FUCK ARE YOU DOING HOME? Ooops, my bad, you should ask my parents: mom just decided to say she didn’t know any about the party happening at that place – oh, how sweet, I’m telling her for two days and she didn’t know. I asked her some money and why would I need any money if it was going to happen in my friend’s house? And, finally, what’s the fucking matter about me drinking some beer? Okay, you may be conservative and tell me it’s not so good. I got it, maybe it isn’t, but it’s not like I’m driving myself drunking or stuff. It’s just a beer, something weak I was parting with my very best friends because it was hot and so on. And I’m telling you that: if you’re analyzing it so deep, it’s as dangerous drinking beer as drinking water with a lot of hormones, medicines and things you’ll never know you’re putting into yourself.

Anyway, the beer doesn’t matter much – I don’t think so. The point is why does she need to make everybody here mad at me for being born? Why did she make me do the worst thing ever in my opinion – lying to somebody I love? In fact I’m not lying and I know she’s gonna understand what happened, but it’s really horrible promising something and not executing it. I feel frustrated, the worst person ever. My friend can forgive me; I can’t.

It seems I can’t trust me for trusting people way too much – specially my family. I should have learnt that they always do it.

When will I trust myself without any problems?

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