My (not so) Anonymous Life

November 4, 2009

All About Choices

Filed under: worries — shitjusthappens @ 7:51 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Well, right. Choices. They’re so many, specially on my age – 18, whoever asks. But some choices are made up in my head, but still depends on people to get real.

As an example, you could have this guy who know what is it like, but his decision seems pretty cruel to me, without any ‘because’. As an another example, you could have the global warming (THIS SAME TIME IN THE LAST YEAR, WE WERE WEARING COATS, C’MON!) and its high-really-high degrees. And then we have college, but this one I choose so long ago. But that’s when we go back to the beginning.

I feel terrible sometimes. I’m often feeling terrible. I’m doing right now, thinking about the next year and all the possibilities. In this case, there aren’t choices. I only need to prove I’m the best one on what I want to spend the rest of my life doing, but not doing that. Strange? Hard? Difficult? I’d call it foolish.

But that’s not all about college or stuff: it’s about feelings, friends, family… and he. He, who’s so closer now and can be that far in a couple of months; he, who I’m in love with and can’t stop thinking of; he, who I’ll hardly forget that fast and I know… I feel bad for the weekend, when I usually don’t see him. What about days, weeks, months and so on? What if we forget each other? Yeah, I’m not sure I’m doing that, but he may do. He can do. Then what about me? What about my heart? I’ve been desilluded before, I know I can handle it. Or not.

I’ve been desilluded a lot of times since I decided to let my heart fly. But I flew too high and I fell down and I broke it. I can never go back to who I am, to that stronger girl I’ve met. And that’s funny, because I used to be THAT strong. Now, look at me: what do you see?

It’s so much more than my heart could take.

I feel like a fool for missing you and counting the minutes like a desperate girl just to see you.

Argh. Too much candy brings disease.

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