My (not so) Anonymous Life

July 29, 2009

Personality Crisis

Filed under: life,worries — shitjusthappens @ 12:10 am
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I gotta look like a SO problematic person. But I don’t mind, that’s none of ANYBODY’s business, then it’s still my own problems. If it matters to you, imagine it’s just another of those boring books about how to act. Or not, but the truth is things are getting a little outta place. Or am I losing myself? Don’t matter.

But I’m having a serious problem with my own personality. It’s calling me to act and fight for what I want, as I always did, but the person “me” is telling me not to do anything, just keep it on me and forget the rest. Ha, it seems easy but BELIEVE ME, it sucks when you’re fighting inside.

And just for you to know, YOU BOY, listen to me.

UNLESS FOR NOW, I’M STILL FIGHTING TO GET YOU. UNTIL I GET THAT TIRED TO ACT LIKE A FOOL (AS I’M DOING RIGHT NOW) AND GIVE UP, I’LL KEEP FIGHTING. MAYBE I’M A GOOD FRIEND, BUT THAT’S DEFINITELY NOT HALF OF WHAT I WANNA BE.
—————-

“She was scared, unprepared, lost in the dark. Falling apart, I can survive with you by my side.”
Now playing: Demi Lovato – Two Worlds Collide
via FoxyTunes

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July 25, 2009

Meaningless

Filed under: life,party — shitjusthappens @ 7:58 pm
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This is how I’m feeling. There’s no meaning in anything, I just feel tired of living. Well, not my fault, though. What’s the point in being 18 (overage and enough-aged, I’d say) if I’m old enough to clean the whole house or do some other things and I’m too young to go out at night? I could laugh if it was a joke, but it’s my life – what makes it almost a joke. Ha, I’m so funny.

Come on, I’m old enough to do whatever I wanna do. If I can’t do what I want right, it’s MY problem, MY fault, nothing to do with them. But I have already showed them (I mean, my parents) that they can trust me (they don’t know what trust means, apparently), because they know I’m the one who HATES drugs the most. For drugs I mean also those fuckin’ cigarettes that people think are so charming. Die fast and leave me alone, then.

Okay, maybe the point is alcohol. YES, MAN, I like it. But it never meant I need to drink until get drunk, as I NEVER DID. Then, what’s the matter with ME? It’s not like I’m going out to have sex with everyone who passes in front of me, eighter. I wanna get out with MY FRIENDS, who my parents know very well, who always come to visit me, who I always go to visit, who I know for ten or five years, depending on who I’m talking about. They are a little better than me, by the way HAHA I’m the rebel one lol. They can control me, right? You guys know what the word friendship means to me, and it’s too strong for me to take it away.

Well, coming back way too late shouldn’t be a problem, too. If you want to take me there and get me back, no problem, but if THAT’S the matter, you guys should let me stay until 5 am there so I could wait a little more until 6 o’clock to get my bus and come home around 7 am. But it’s always difficult to solve some problem if somebody doesn’t want them to be solved.

You know what? It’s my life, don’t you forget.

xxx

July 24, 2009

That’s the way it is.

Filed under: life — shitjusthappens @ 1:40 am
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Not that the whole world knows me or knows my blog, but you may have found out I was absent. Yeah, I really was, and that’s because my life kinda changed a little fast.

Some months ago, I told you about my grandma and how she was important to me. Well, guys, she died, and it was a month ago. I know she was old (just turned 81), but it was suddenly. I was not expecting she could go to the hospital, but when she did… I was expecting the worst. Not expecting, don’t get me wrong, but I knew. And then my whole world seemed not to seem anything. She was my light, my life, my example.

Anyway. She died one week before my tests for college – “vestibular” (Brazilian exams for college). I confess I’m not used to study that much, but that week I got some strenght inside of me that made me study a lot. I gave my all, I did the hardest… and I was so good, but I couldn’t get it. Not a big problem if it wasn’t a little… hm, unfair. I can’t do anything about it but accept, so… that’s it. Let’s keep studying for the end of the year. Wish me good luck.

By the way, thanks for the support, everytime. I don’t even know you, guys, but you are good friends (:

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